March Update

Hey all,

Sorry that I have been really bad at replying and keeping up with everything. I don't have a magical excuse, things here have been rough but I have a cell phone, I could easily open my apps and read them, Truth is, its damn hard to. No ones fault, I love the support, questions, hearing from everyone, I don't want it to stop. It's just when I look at Twitter, open discord, facebook etc, It pulls me back to that "ouch," Here's this huge part of my life I miss, I want to be a part of but I can't. I miss you all dearly. I miss sitting at my desk, hitting the Start Streaming button and having convo's, laughs, smiles, ups and downs.

But enough of that. Here at home the CPS/Wrap project is still underway. Sometimes feels like we are making progress forward then we fall off a cliff backwards.

Last week we were at a Native American Casino for a week for Mrs. Vaz's Job. The week wasn't bad, we played Fortnite in the hotel, checked out a little Denmark Village. Ate amazing pastries, and I considered it a great week. On Thursday Lily started to break down, the drive home was miserable, Saturday we were home, seemed back to normal then Sunday, she found a mascara sharpener and took it to her wrist, Since my new job is to constantly watch her I caught it immediately, we called all the numbers we are instructed to and Sunday became a new shit show. Police, Ambulance, Wrap, State(Cert/CPS) all up in our business. Sunday was a long as day. Lilys having a real hard time pretending now in front of all these people, she lashed out at the officer, ambulance, hell everyone. She screamed at me to stop! Stop helping her, Stop caring and that I should just let her go. But then turns around and tells all the authorities that suicide isn't the goal. She has calmed down a lot since, Our 3 day a week visits from specialists has been bumped up to five. I feel like these people don't know what to do, they keep pushing medication, which shes already on, a couple are on board with me trying to help her find whats making her feel this way to start the healing process instead of numbing her. And just to clarify if they can find that she truly has a disorder I am all for medicine, I'm not anti med/anti Vaccinate or whatever. After 12 years with this child I can see full well she can control herself when she wants to for the right motivation. I am not a professional but spending all this time with her I feel I am working towards helping her more than this endless amount of strangers. We are only a couple weeks in, the one assigned to Lily is always late, if often on her damn cell phone, so scattered that she's all over the place. Another one we have really likes medication, Oh she cuts cuz shes off her meds, oh wait she cuts while on her meds? ok more meds, Maybe her meds need meds?! Others feel judgemental (Why is she doing this? Must be Child abuse? A normal child doesnt do this? Whats "Step-Dad" doing to her) Ya, they throw around Step -dad so much at these meetings that it caused Lily herself to have a meltdown where she yelled at them and told them to just call me Dad. It's like the keep implying disgusting things and are so used to monsters they don't understand why I would be trying to help her.

So I am always on camera still, just not the camera I want to be lol. We have Cameras watching for liability reasons, I have a Go Pro when I take lily to school or Piano practice. Just so I can say hey look! I'm not the monster you think I am. I have nothing to hide so I'm like whatever I'll do your shitshow so I can go on with life. The one thing I hate is I feel like they are poisoning my relationship with Lily. Putting disgusting thoughts and ideas out there. Making it a scary thing to hug her or sit next to her like I would with Emma and ZoZo.

So that is where we are kind of sitting right now. We are working with everyone, Almost every day includes some kind of forced therapy. Emma and Zo are hanging in there, there's no therapy for them, they just constantly have to bepushed to the side while these people focus on Lily. I handle 98% of everything Lily now.

In my spare time I have been reading up and educating myself on mental health, It's actually been good for my mindset learning more, I find myself less angry, It's also easier for me to take in the information when it isn't so personal. reading other stories of those who feel like Lily has brought some perspective to me and makes me feel less manipulated. I still can't tell at times if shes controlling the situation to force what she wants or if it's just a dark day.

Now that all that unhappy stuff is out in the open, lets end with some happy news. In my free time I still game, been playing many of the amazing games a lot of you awesome people gifted ages ago. I beat Final Fantasy 6 from Dimali this week. What an Amazing gem of a game so glad to have finally beaten it. I'm currently working on Secret of Mana and after that going to start Final Fantasy 9 that Montscott gave me ages ago as well.

I play Fortnite very often, Emma, Zo and myself all have Season Passes, its a lot of fun and a great distraction. I've been trying to get that Fortnite mobile invite code to try it out but no luck so far.

Baby is growing well and healthy! They believe it's going to be a little girl! We get another sonagram in the coming weeks to verify. They were having trouble seeing the parts themself so the lady was like "i think them the eggs in the lil baby." When a medical professional says "I think" I can't dive in head first and go yup its a girl. Also Kinda hard to take her seriously in her UGG boots and long ass nails. I worry she may have trouble finding her way to work let alone baby genders. But we all are kinda going with it, we touch the belly and already decided on a name. Harley. Yes like Harley Quinn. Goes with our ending in y name theme we have for our girls. Lily, Emily, Zoey,

Sadly streaming is still way off for me. Working with Lily is a never ending job, My days are making sure she's alright, Working with Emily and Zo on school, and their mental health as well, I try very hard to make sure they get a lot of special attention too, Take them on fun things to reward them for how awesome they are handling all of this. As things go on don't get spooked if you see sponsors taking my name off their pages, Transfers of ownership, etc. I want to come back asap. Just being honest the only way that's going to happen is if.1 Lily is cleared and we can go back to our normal life. 2. Shes committed to a facility 3. I run away and win the lotto.

I know all of this is a lot to take in, and seems like a nightmare but we are doing everything in our power to keep the smiles going. I am hoping to find some time to make my Extra Life page again, and try to do some gaming for the kiddos even if its offline, maybe I can get creative and make some offline goals this year, I am truly sorry for not being the best at getting back to your messages, I'll be working on that. Spring break is coming! Any questions hit me up on Discord or whatever suits your fancy.

Miss you all

Till next time.

Matt(Vazio82)