Twitch Con 2017 Afterthoughts

It's been a long time since I wrote anything here. Almost a full year since my anxiety attack that hospitalized me. Since then A LOT had changed.

Twitch Con 2017 was a lot of fun, it also got me thinking about all the amazing things that streaming has opened up for me, and after meeting up and getting lots of fantastic feedback from all over about the channel made me realize the areas where I may have not made the best choices.

Going out to Lunch/Dinner/ Bars with friends, new friends, fellow streamers, Twitch Partners, Business's really opened my eyes. I care deeply for the communities I am a part of, I care for the Twitch Channel like it's a family member living in my house. I want more for it, I want to level it up, But as a stay at home family man first there is only so much I can do with my limited time.

Twitch Con is such a gift to the streaming community's because of the chance to physically hang out with many people who we see daily on Twitch.tv. This year there was a lot of talk about those streaming live from the convention floor and shoving cameras in others faces to try to increase their personal streams. I think this just showcased how Twitch is for some, some just enjoy being with their communities and dont need to show the whole thing off to those who couldnt make it, and others want to take advantage and do whatever it takes to grow.

As always there was a lot of talk of the special treatment partners got, I didn't see it as a bad thing at all, All it did to me was want partnership even more. But I know I'm lacking in the number department and have been for some time. So this got me thinking, what happened? What changed?

Starting off I know I have changed a lot since I started this adventure on Twitch, and even though I wasn't aware of it all it reflected on stream, my friends and others could see it when I could not. When I started I was just a stay at home dad that streamed for Extra Life. It was so simple, but even then I wanted to grow, I wanted a much better experience for those who came across my channels. I bitched at close friends because of background noises and flea market microphones, I switched games like crazy because I was always listening to what people wanted to see. I spent an insane amount of time working on all things Twitch. Posting, editing, lurking in others streams, finding new ideas. I was addicted.

My personal life took a huge hit when my wife's daughter moved back in with us. My step daughter Lily. Depression hit, Weight gain came, and it was a lot harder to smile on camera. But I wasn't going to take a much needed break, I didn't want to lose momentum, I didn't want to toss away all the time, tears and work that was put in to grow.

This year Zoey started School. For the 3rd time I have had to change my schedule. I had originally planned on streaming her growth to show everyone that a stay at home dad can take care of kids, teach them and all that. I thought it would be an amazing thing for people to experience with me. After the first week I quickly realized that my kids wanted no part in this idea, and that this needed to be a private experience.

Many other events happened but this is a reflection not a retelling of events. Now I want to state I am not complaining about being a family man, I am truly blessed by my amazing family and friends. I would not have made it this far without their support. My wife has forked out so much time and cash to help me stay in the Twitch game. I kept thinking where can I get more time? Simple Truth there is none. Do I keep trying to force something to happen? Do I keep trying to win the Twitch Lotto and maybe one day hit partner?

Then it hit me, When did the Partner dream become the focus? I don't stream for profit, Never have, I was throwing the stream up when I could to help Charity. I went up to every booth I could at Twitch Con, and you know what booth felt like home? The Extra Life booth.

What happened along the way I wonder? I wont lie I still dream of Partnership. I want it, I want that honor.

I got to thinking what happened to so many of the friendships I made along the way, There are some where life just changed and they left the Twitch Scene all together. Some have new jobs, new spouses, new children, new pets, Wow a lot has changed and that's amazing.

One of the other things that happened is lots of small "clicks" formed. I think its fantastical for people to form groups and enjoy each others company. But what happened when it becomes toxic? Group A doesn't like Group B anymore, Group C has a problem with Group D's leader and so forth. I watched as a lot of this toxicity grew. Felt trapped in the middle because I was still friends with everyone. I have learned that many people now avoid my streams/content due to the presence of others. What the flying fuck is that? Right?

It's true people will straight up punish me, not hang out with me because someone else is in the chat? How do you combat that? I have no clue. I plan to keep doing what I enjoy doing.

Plans for the stream as of now:

Stream whenever I can

Mod revisions, going to see who wants it, who will respect it, and not create situations where people do not feel welcome.

Playing what I want to

Days off for metal health

Reconnecting and finding time to join friends streams and play when they are live.

Removing those who ruin the experience for others and myself.

Continue to make amazing friends and connections.

I am always looking for feedback, so if you have any ideas, concerns, technical feedback, anything that can bring the fun back for you or just improve the channel please let me know. Hell shoot an anon message my way.

Thank you for reading. I have way more in my head left to say but If I am going to stream today I gotta go make the kids some lunch and get started.