Outside Forces..

I don't believe I have ever shared the struggle from outside forces. Streaming for me is always a constant battle. All those around me in my daily life cant wait for the day I quit. I can see it in thier faces when something comes up and I cant stream. Dishwasher breaks? Thats a good thing cuz now we can watch Netflix together while I clean it up, not feeling well for a week cant stream, kids act like were going on a week long vacation. 

Ever since I started streaming as much as I could, Its felt like the universe has a special spot to remind me of whats really important. I go and plan a speical week long of marathons and then build up for a new game release.. thats the week that becomes riddled with drs appts, get special access to a game way before release...thats the week im out of town. Lol. Special 25 hour marathon for charity coming up...thats the only day my wife could get her surgery appt. These are just some recent examples to share with you. 

It may come off as Im complaining, and at times, ya this upsets me. I would love to pursue streaming on Twitch to the next level, id love to put the hours in and show Twitch they should partner me and grow our community! Make new friends! Get amazing giveaway items from the companies cuz I can pull in whatever magic numbers they want. But I cant..or should I say I could but I wont.

Everytime the universe challenges me I always and always will go for family and friends who need me in crucial moments. If its a friend who stopped by because an ex wife is a douche bag, or a five year old who needs a 4 hour hug while we watch teen titans. Those are the choices I make and I am proud of my decisions but will always have this little voice in the back of my head. Business Man Vaz is what I call that voice, everytime I miss a day, or cancel a special stream, hea standing there saying, "you know everytime you do this your just sending what you have away, on Twitch theres always someone to watch" or even worse the dreaded "you know tonight was the night that woulda been great for growth!"

That guys all business and numbers..gotta listen to the heart. At least with me Id rather have the whole missed a day guilt than be a bad Father, husband, brother, son, friend, etc. 

Guilts still there though...why? 

One answer to that is no matter what I have worked on in my life I have a hard time not putting my all into it. 

On Twitch I have said so many times I have lost count that success is not a subscribe button, or thousands of viewers, you create your own success, weather its a great time with friends or making a single persons day better. 

But I have a curse, I want to be better..what does that mean? I do not even know, I don't want to sit still comfy, I must improve in anyway I can, better quality? more hours? Newer or different games?! What is it?

Ah I have an idea what if...Hold on a second my kids need me. :) 

I will power through, after my kids are happy, the wife is smiling and family and friends got their hugs and time, I'll be there Monday Thru Friday. 10am thru 2pmish as long as the universe allows it.